Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Home




Jacket: The Limited (similar save, similar splurge); Tank: c/o Sears; Pants: Gap; Scarf: TJ Maxx (similar); Boots: c/o Aeropostale; Necklace: c/o GroopDealz

Moving to Portland was one of the biggest decisions I've made in my life. And I know that I whined about leaving my Tacoma, but that was the proverbial iceberg tip. Under the water there is a behemoth ice block of decisions that are maybe worth sharing with anyone facing a similar decision.

Giving up your foundation can be extremely difficult. In a really trivial way, it's like creating a new Sim that no longer has a 10 cooking skill and starts from scratch, making burnt PB&Js and frequently starting kitchen fires. It's hard to work back up to that base level of comfort again. While it only took eight unhealthy computer hours with the Sims, it's much more difficult for a living, breathing person.

Tacoma was my home for 6 years. It was home to my alma mater. My colleagues and fledgling career. North an hour, I had family. It was home to my favorite wine shops and favorite wetlands, home to splattering rain that I could watch for days. Home to my mountain. Tacoma held the friends I'd known for years, the ones we spent most weekend hours with. It was home to my first apartment, my first post-grad job, my first pet, my first relationships. It was home to a history of personal growth that made me inextricably attached to it.

But there will always come a time when we're impelled, asked, inclined, driven to move. The world does not like stationary beings - the wind is always blowing the fall leaves from the maple. The tides rise and fall, carrying shells and driftwood from shore to shore. And try as we might to hold onto our perfect worlds, they are often pulled away.





Coming to Portland did not ever seem like a question to me. I would have moved with Ben across the continent - love is scary like that, filling you with conviction and determination you wouldn't have otherwise. But it wasn't as easy as packing boxes full of our things. There's a lot riding on uprooting yourself, giving up a successful job and career, saying goodbye to your support system. Many people told me I shouldn't move without being first engaged, married, committed in a bigger way. 

For much of the year and a half preceding the move, we struggled with a painful back and forth of should I go or should I not. I needed a greater commitment than "Sure, come along" and he didn't want to think ahead into that looming cloud that was medical school and the next, stressful seven years of his life. It was uncomfortable and it hurt and I either cried too much or didn't cry enough - I can't quite figure that out yet.

But I've never been a doubting person. My parents raised me to believe in my self and I do, completely. I also believe in my relationship because I was raised with a perfect example before me: two parents that were a team. Not only did they love each other, but quitting was never an option, never even considered. And it hasn't ever been an option for me. I've struggled through my fair share of personal issues, but at the end of each of them, I've believed that I could make it through and I have.

I believed that Ben and I were meant to be and I believed that I would come to Portland and whatever was meant to be, would be. And we'd be the better for it. And despite the struggle it took to come here, we are here and we are okay. But I wouldn't use the word easy to describe moving for someone else, in fact I would say it's extremely hard. And the difficulties don't end when the boxes are unpacked.



We don't have our close friends near to us anymore. Though I stay in touch with our Tacoma friends and have made some connections here in Portland, it is Ben and I every single day. We wake up together and go to bed together every single night. And we eat dinner together every night and spend most morning side by side. On the weekends, it is he and I. We are each others support systems, friends, constant companions, and that's a lot to be with just one other person.

Life in Portland hasn't quite turned out like I expected it to be and the adjustment period has tried both of us. But to do something like this - to give up your life to move with someone else, or to ask someone to give everything up to move with you, you have to be 100% committed. It can't be a partial decision. Or a non-decision. You will need that one person more than you have before and doubt and uncertainty erode the foundation of a relationship like waves on a shore.

I think that you need conviction. You need trust and determination to get through whatever may come. And underneath it all, you need love. You need to be able to in your new city/state/apartment, the dark surrounding you in the early evening, and feel like you are home because you are with the one person that is home. 

20 comments

  1. Lovely scarf!

    http://justaddcakeuk.blogspot.co.uk/

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  2. Nice blog! Can we follow each other? Write me on my blog or follow me and i follow you:)

    XOXO

    Vik Ladyla - fashion blog
    vik-ladyla.blogspot.cz

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  3. Love your blog!
    I'd love it if you check out mine and tell me what you think!!

    Snobpeople.com

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  4. Such a heartfelt post. Thanks for sharing. It is extremely difficult to move! You're not only changing your home and location, but the people in your life will change and evolve as well which is the hardest. Sending blessings to you in your new home and hoping that you will make many beautiful memories!

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    1. thank you so much! :) i am hoping we will too!

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  5. I feel like you are also describing a little bit of Andrew and I's story too. It's so hard to get two adult lives together, especially with school. It is so worth it though!

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  6. I moved out to NYC to be with my hubby and it was definitely a BIG adjustment for me. Moving is a huge change!

    -Sharon
    The Tiny Heart Scarf Giveaway!

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  7. moving can be crazy -- love your scarf!

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  8. I love how the scarf looks like a sweater! congrats on your move.. :)
    XO
    Jamie
    www.candystilettos.com

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  9. moving away from family and friends is hard. Our move wasn't as big a distance as yours but still, it's hard starting over and meeting new people and even figuring out how to get around. we've lived here a year and I still sometimes get lost!

    on another note, classic outfit :)

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  10. I love that scarf and how you styled it! Beautiful pictures as well, what lens do you use?

    -Vogue&Heels
    www.vogueandheels.com

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  11. Everything happens for good! And it takes a lot of courage and belief in yourself to do what you did.. I am sure the love between you two will make you both stronger! The place doesn't matter, the companions do.. And I love your scarf!

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  12. I love how you styled the scarf, I've never seen that but it looks so cute :D

    http://doublecasualchic.blogspot.com/

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  13. I love your necklace! It looks so pretty with your eyes. Good luck in your new home!

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  14. this post resonates with me so much! i just accepted a new job and will be moving two hours from my home near NYC to live with my boyfriend (for the first time ever!) near Philadelphia. i'm also dealing with people who are apprehensive that we're not engaged yet. i'm really scared, but i feel like it's the right decision. it's nice to read about someone who went through the same thing, and it sounds like things are working out fairly well for you. i hope you continue to feel more at home in portland. i'm here if you need to commiserate!

    xo,
    gabby

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  15. Beautifully written. Moving away from your friends and family is rough, but it does help that you have someone you love you can lean on.

    xoxo

    The Occasional Indulgence

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  16. So cute!!!

    www.moderndaycharm.blogspot.com!

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  17. Love how you kept the scarf under the belt. So cute! Loved the post. Moving is so hard. Stay strong! :)

    xoxo
    K
    kellyinthecity.com

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  18. I'm loving how you styled your scarf :)
    Moving is always a big change...and I think there will always be pros and cons no matter where you are...but I guess we just have to make the most of it!
    We moved 3 years ago to where we are now...it's a super small town...I didn't work because I was a stay at home mom, so I had zero friends or acquaintances...finally after a few months I forced myself out of my box, to go to a yoga class, mostly to get out and meet people...it's the best thing I ever did! Now I have way more friends in this super small town, that I did in the city we lived in before.

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