Sheathed

Sweater: c/o Aeropostale; Dress: Ann Taylor; Tights: c/o No Nonsense; Heels: c/o Lulu*s

On January 31st, Ben and I will be celebrating our five year anniversary (eek!). Sometimes when I think about our history together, or look at photos from then until now, I'm blown away by how time passes so quickly and yet so slowly. I can only really remember snapshots of our first two years together but every day seems like it's passing pretty slowly, but that seems to be how everything goes in life. We keep snapshots of all the things that happened in our lives, some based on or enhanced by actual snapshots we've kept over the years and some are just our brain's way of compartmentalizing and efficiently using storage space.

How weird is it to think that we have experienced so many days, minutes and seconds of consciousness but we can only remember teeny tidbit from the years? When I think back, one of the earliest memories I have is of starting kindergarten and meeting my elementary school best friend. And then time skips around, memories of first grade and pivotal dramatic moments like a fight with a close friend, or a kiss on a playground. I remember school plays I starred in and class pets. I remember teachers, just images of them surrounded by blurry chalkboard backgrounds. Through middle school and high school I remember similar pivotal moments of friendships dissolving or forming, of crushes developed and unrequited, of traumatizing teen angst. But there are very few memories considering how many years passed from kindergarten to graduation.

Ben and I were reflecting the other night about our past relationships and how little you retain of them. Again, just snapshots and lessons to hold dear. I only remember the memorable first dates, a nice restaurant or a surprising gesture. The middle seems all a blur. I don't remember the arguments so much, or the stilted conversation, or the nerves. The endings are pretty clear as I rehashed them to anyone that would listen for months... but considering the time invested into each person you have been with, how bizarre that we keep so little of it around in the great external hard drives that are our heads.

We struggled the other night to remember the first meal we had together or the first time we went to a movie, or a play. The first breakfast we enjoyed. I remember our firsts as one big positive memory back in college. Actual memory or just a vague feeling, it's nice to be able to see Ben so far back into my past. We go back for years and it feels so full. Looking ahead, it seems like the years we have ahead of us are just more memories to forget. But it's all the more reason to cherish each passing moment as it won't hang around forever in our heads.