I texted my closest friends today to ask them how they're really doing. The two text answer that sounds a little pathetic. A little too long for a standard "how are you" response. Not the "good, good! busy!" reply that we all seem to send and receive regardless of the circumstances. As the year flies by and days get cooler, it seems important to ask what's happening behind the chipper. When they asked me the same question back, I replied: I'm tired.
It may not have been a long response, or a detailed one, but it's absolutely true. I am very tired. Tired of watching my money fall short of "making ends meet" every month. Tired of spending gobs on student loan interest payments. Tired of coming home to cleaning or blogging or after work events. Tired of hearing the hardships others are going through without being able to help. Tired of the sunset at 4:45 (only two days into it and already tired! It's gonna be a long winter). Tired of wedding planning for the better part of 6 months. Tired of watching the world fly by and terrible things happen to everyone in it.
But despite the tired, that aching tired that's leaking into my bone marrow, I'm happy. I'm tired and happy. Completely full up to the brim of everything - the good, the bad, the ugly, the full-of-love, and the not-so-full. My container is overflowing. I suppose I am lucky enough to be content in so many areas of my life that I have time to be busy and tired. I have time to sink into bed at 7 p.m. and refuse to get out again until morning.
So Ben and I, in our exhausted sighing, in the rain and wind, walking home this evening, decided to make a pizza and buy a six-pack of beer and sit down with Hayao Miyazaki films. We knew that we had to escape into the clouds, into Howl's Moving Castle, and just rest there for a few hours. And here we are, cuddled up in blankets with the cat, flying high above magical towns, just taking a few minutes to breath.