Wednesday, March 11, 2015

West Coast











Cardigan: Lou and Grey (similar and on sale!); Tank: Nordstrom Rack (in stores); Jeans: Gap; Sandals: Shopbop; Necklace: c/o Rocksbox*

*Get a month free with code: ladiesinnavyxoxo

I wish I had something bubblier to write about today, but the truth is the last two weeks have been really tough in the anxiety-department and I'm feeling pretty run-down. Big events usually set off a chain of anxious events that I have a hard time wrangling back down to real life size. Leave it to an anxiety disorder to turn a million (very very small) molehills into these massive mountains that I can't seem to shrink.

When I first got engaged, I instantly thought forward to the wedding date and wondered how I, someone with a pretty unwieldily anxiety disorder, would make it through. Turns out it was a fair line of internal questioning. And I can let you know that it hasn't been a particularly pretty process. I really am always awed by Ben's ability to put up with my anxious episodes (they're not cute, guys) and am thankful every single day that he does.

When I get too stressed out, my anxiety tank overflows and it's hard to shove all that anxiety back into its contained space. Once it's overflowing, my anxiety usually manifests with physical symptoms. I start getting hives. Just sporadic, inconvenient, full-body patches of raised, itchy welts. I've learned to treat these as passing ocean squalls. They come through, leave their temporary mark, but in a few hours pass and dry up. But once my hives stopped phasing me, my body decided to head off in different directions. Rashes that don't let me sleep, aching stomach pains that feel like I'm about to keel over, nausea, lumps in the throat, heart palpitations and lightheadedness... you name it. My body wages some kind of fake physical war on me that's quite something to watch in action. If I didn't know better I'd suppose I was rapidly dying of something incurable. Luckily, I do know better. It's all in my head.

It's hard to explain to someone that doesn't experience panic attacks or generalized anxiety, but the crushing fear and doom and gloom of an anxious episode is a powerful force. And it loves to strike me right before bed. Sitting there in the dark, it's often as if the entire world just flipped on its axis, or a massive meteor strike just occurred, or the house is falling down around me. How wild our brains are! To invent such a tall tale that I can't sleep for fear that nothing will ever be okay and life has been ultimately altered into this bizarre and terrible world.

For those going through something similar, I don't have a lot of advice (clearly I haven't figured it out), but I do recommend talking about it and laughing about it as much as possible. Anxiety can be such a powerful force when left to its own devices, locked away in the dark, and let to fester. You need to air out your head and heart - speak the words that may sound ludicrous (like the four paragraphs above), acknowledge the crazy that's bubbling behind the scenes, and then find someone that you can laugh about it with. In the end, it's all pretty silly to think about, regardless of how un-silly it feels. 

17 comments

  1. I do understand how you feel. Talking about it is a good thing. My coping mechanism is actually just that, talking. Light but constant chit-chat can do a world of good in these situations.

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  2. I'm so sorry Kelsey. I will keep thinking about you and I really, really hope these days get better for you!
    www.theadoredlife.com

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  3. Hang in there lady. Let me know if a coffee or champs date is in order?


    PS- the sandals are pretty great!

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  4. Love your style! it looks amazing, feels like spring!
    Your photo's look so professional :)

    xx
    Curvybird.blogspot.nl

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  5. Talking and writing are healthy outlets, and I hope they help you through this time.

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  6. THE LIGHTING IN THESE PHOTOS!!!!!!!!!! I can't even. You look stunning. I'm sorry to hear you are having stress! The light is at the end of the tunnel! You will be off to Island life soon. It will all work out I promise! So happy for you.

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  7. Oh Kelsey, my heart is going out to you. Personally, I think you're brave to share such personal insights with the wide world—and the Internet is better for it. We could all use a little more honesty in our lives, and it's posts like this that bring about understanding or at least empathy. Sending online hugs!

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  8. I'm so sorry that you are going through this...planning a wedding is stressful under the best of circumstances. I have had my anxiety issues in the past and I know how hard they can be.

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  9. Sounds like such a tough thing to go through...you are lucky to have such a strong support system!

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  10. Beautiful pictures as always, Kelsey.
    I hope that you will feel better soon - I do know how miserable our minds can make us feel and it is so hard. It is so wonderful that you write so openly about your anxiety.

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  11. I'm so sorry to hear you've been having a tough time! I thought engagement was pretty stressful actually. If it makes you feel any better, I thought the first year of marriage was much easier than the engagement process.

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  12. That does make me feel better! I feel like it will be so much calmer! Can't wait to be done with the wedding piece and just be anxiously awaiting photos! :)

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  13. Thank you! I find that talking about it can be my best defense against it!

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  14. It definitely is tough, but it is nice to know that it likely will pass!

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  15. Thank you so much for your kind words! :)

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  16. That's an awesome plan!

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  17. I like the colour of the floral tank you are wearing!

    http://beautyfollower.blogspot.gr

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