Monday, June 22, 2015

Bring Me Your Anxious

Tee: Gap; Skirt: LOFT (on super sale! $24): Sandals: c/o Rockport; Bag: Madewell

I had a rough last week and weekend combined. This morning, I woke up early and lay there hoping for a bright Monday - less stained by anxiety. When your issues exist in and are created by your own brain, they're really difficult to get away from, and anxiety can feel like being trapped in a terrible room from which you can't escape. 

I've mentioned it before on the blog, but my anxiety well overflows when I have multiple obligations that create stress. One obligation and I am able to feel anxiety for that one item and work myself down from it. Two items and my limits are tested. Three (or two big things) and that (apparently tiny) well starts to flood. All the sudden there are no issues, just one, massive, tangled anxious feeling that I can't seem to get to the core of. And so it starts the panic attacks, or constant tears, or irrational fear, or sleeplessness, or all of that combined. And a few days in, I'm rendered rather useless to: eat, do things other than shower and lay down, complete projects, or have a positive outlook. They always say that depression and anxiety come hand in hand, two unwelcome friends to the party of your life, and though I seem to be relatively unscathed by the former affliction, I can absolutely see how this can wear you down and make you feel helpless and defeated.

By yesterday afternoon, after about four days of stomach-aching, instant tears, and hyperventilating, I told myself to get a grip. There was work to do, a kitchen to clean, a blog to maintain, and a life to live. Not only are there regular, everyday things to deal with through the anxiety, we introduced a new kitten into our resident cat's household last week and I have to make the interaction between young and old, resident and intruder work. It's not easy. And anxiety-inducing for me. Monitoring two cats for your entire day, worried one will smack the other upside the head, is no way to spend a weekend. But it's necessary. And actually, it's normal. It's something that has to be done and though anxiety might be barring me from handling it like a normal person, it's a real experience that I need to go through.

When I start to emerge from an anxious haze, I can see the bizarre-ness of anxiety. How it wraps you up in a really terrible cloak of doom. How none of your thoughts are remotely rational, but they're totally controlling. Living with it is like accepting a really mean person into your home and then letting them be rude to you for days on end before you finally tell them to shut up. Note to self: kick that person out sooner.


  1. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time! Let's get together for a nice evening walk soon. :)

  2. Looking very pretty in this outfit! I like your cute skirt very much. I'm sorry to hear about your anxiety and problems with it... I have been through that and my sister used to have a severe case of anxiety so I know how it can feel like and "look" like... Not a pleasure for anybody involved, from the person that is suffering to people that are surrounding him/ her. Take care beauty!

  3. LOVE the scalloped hem on this great skirt! I am such a big fan of Rockport as well! Love these great wedge sandals! XO


  4. It's definitely hard juggling everything! Some days are better than others - But hang in there! We do it because we love it! (PS - Love your shoes!!!)

  5. It is so hard to maintain all the obligations. I applaud you for being honest about it! And also love the skirt. :)

  6. I'm so sorry about your anxiety. I've gone through that and it's not fun. Although you don't need one more thing to do...some meditation and yoga might be a good boost. Hugs.

  7. Love your note to self. Kick that rude person out ASAP! I've been dealing with a similar situation and am thrilled by your honesty. It helps me see my situation in a clearer light.

    xx Katie
    lovely letters

  8. Katie, we should correspond! I feel like I could write a book about these demons! Unfortunately...

  9. Yes please to corresponding! It's incredibly therapeutic for me to spell out all of the things but to also know that other people understand them.


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